dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My hand turned me down
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
