what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
