i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
