my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
