When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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