I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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