if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
