two words: eviction party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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