Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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