Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
