I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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