Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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