I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize