he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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