i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
