The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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