Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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