Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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