just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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