Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
