Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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