I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
