You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ass is underappreciated
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
