Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the day after is always just damage control
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize