dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
