3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
