Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
