East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
