I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
