dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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