I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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