Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
