watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
