I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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