I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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