I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
