well I can't set my house on fire every night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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