Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
