i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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