Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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