I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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