i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
