I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
