And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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