the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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