Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
