i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
