I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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