apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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