oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
