Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
