If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
