just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
