I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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