I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
