My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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