im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
