kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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