i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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