how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're like the curious george of whores
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
