Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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