Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my phone needs a breathalizer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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