ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
