i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
