There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
