Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
