I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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