it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
