he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
