My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
