Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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