Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
