I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got inside last night via doggy door
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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