shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The best revenge is premature balding
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
