I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
