wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
